At 8:30pm today, I had just finished pumping and we were getting ready to go to the hospital to visit Asaf and say good night. I got the dreaded call from the NICU -- come as soon as you can, things got worse.
Completely numb, we drove to the hospital as fast as we could. When we got there, his heart was barely beating and the ventilator was breathing for him. The doctor explained that the kidney failure had gone on too long and his little body couldn't handle it. His heart just gave out.
Sometime between my afternoon visit and this evening, his eyes opened for the first time. We'd like to think that his first and last sight was his mommy and daddy telling him they loved him.
We held him and kissed him and told him how much we loved him. I can't believe we did the same thing with his twin brother just earlier this week.
We are completely heartbroken. I really believed that this could finally be the time when we had the baby we got to take home and raise. But, sadly, that didn't happen.
I don't know what we do next. For the next few weeks, I think we will just struggle through, trying to survive from day to day.
Little Asaf will be buried near his older brother Micha tomorrow morning. We love and miss them both so much.
Oh Leora and David. I am so so sorry to hear this. I'm crying with you in Pittsburgh.
ReplyDeleteMay Hashem comfort you.
Leora and David,
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry to hear that Asaf didn't win his fight. I can't imagine what you are going through right now but I am thinking of you both.
May Hashem comfort you and may you know no more sorrow.
Love,
Keren
I have followed your story and am sitting here crying for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Asaf did know that his Mom and Dad loved him. Please know that your are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteJennifer
Even though you have no idea who I am, I feel the need to let you know that I am crying along with you. I can only imagine what you are going through. I learned a lot from your too short blog these past few days. Asaf and Micha, along with their amazing parents, have definitely influenced my life for the positive. I sincerely pray that you both find true comfort and continue seeing everything in such a positive and inspirational way. May G-d shower you with only bracha and good things from now on.As tears stream down my face,you and your boys will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me either, but many of my friends and I have been following your saga and that of Asaf and Micha. We are heartbroken for you. May Hashem give you the strength to press on.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lost one of my pregnancies (I lost three pregnancies and b"H have 2 healthy children), someone told me that those little neshamas wanted so much to have me as their mommy that they just kept trying and trying to come down to me but it wasn't the right time yet. I hope this gives you a little bit of comfort. Please know that iy"H when the time is right Hashem will send you your babies and you will get to bring them home.
Love and hugs.
I can't stop crying.... and praying that both your beautiful boys' time was peaceful and that they felt your love and heard your tender voices above all else. I can't understand this... why did I get a healthy baby boy and you are enduring another heartbreaking loss...
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking for your family. Your boys were so loved from the moment they were conceived... I read every single worried, hopeful word you wrote and rejoiced with you... worried with you... told you it was all going to be okay... and now there are no real words to offer. Nothing anybody can say will make this easier, or change how it turned out... we can only quietly sit and offer whatever comfort we can and pray for your strength and health.
Micha and Asaf knew only the love of their mommy and daddy and carry it in their hearts even still.
ReplyDeleteSharing your tears,
Natasha
May g-d give you strength to get through this rough time. Bh you will have another chance and bh you will have healthy kids.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss. May you find some comfort somehow.
ReplyDeleteLeora - I am so very sorry for your loss. I was so hopeful that Asaf would be able to someday go home with you & David. No one should have to endure the pain you and David have had to experience. Again, I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteAmanda (klinger)
I am also crying here in Pittsburgh. There are NO words none that I can think of to help ease your pain. (((HUGS))) And only brachos!
ReplyDeleteI've followed your story since this past winter and I'm devastated that this was how things turned out for you. You have such wonderful energy and intelligence; it's so unfair that this has happened to your family. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.
ReplyDeleteOh Leora! I am so so sorry, honey. Those two beautiful baby boys know just how much you love them. I am in tears and disbelief. I am so sorry that you and David have to go through this! Your precious children know just how great of a mother and father you both are. Please know that we are here with you. Thinking and praying for you always. Please let us know what you need. Take time to process all that has happened.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I am so sorry. Tears are flowing. My heart breaks for you. I truly am so very sorry. I'm sure your little one knew your love, we all could feel it. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that is something no one should have to go through my thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words I too was following your story for a long time and hoping for a wonderful outcome. I am so so sorry it was not so.
ReplyDeleteMay you find peace. I am filled wih sorrow for you.
Jen(Isabelgu)
I wish to God there were magic words I could offer to take away the awful pain and sadness. I've been thinking and thinking and only thought of one thing...I have to believe you and David will be parents one day and when it happens...not if...really, not if...but when...that baby or babies will have all these guardian angels in the heavens watching over him (or her or even better them). I know you have to go through this agony now but I believe there is a purpose to everything. Micha was strength - even in his weakness, he gave you a cry for you to hear; and Asaf was courage. He fought bravely to stay with you as long as he could.
ReplyDeleteMay your sons by blessed in the heavens and may they watch over you and David forever and soon, may they be the guardian angels of others to follow; others that will grow strong and healthy and help lessen the horrible pain you have now.
I send my love, my sympathies, my deepest sorrow.
Paula
Crying with you :-(
ReplyDeleteBaruch Dayan Emes.
Dena
I'm also crying with you.
ReplyDeleteMay Hashem comfort you and may you know no more sorrow.
I don't know you, but have been following your blog, through postings of my friends. I know there are no words that can take away the pain you and your husband must be going through, but I wanted to tell you that I am heartbroken to hear about the loss of your babies. Your strength and courage are remarkable, and you have inspired me, even though we do not know each other. May you only have happy beautiful moments from this day on, and only have cause for celebration.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for the loss of the twins. I know words can't express what I would like to say but I will say that you are definitely in my prayers and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAngela (angelaezra)