At 8:30pm today, I had just finished pumping and we were getting ready to go to the hospital to visit Asaf and say good night. I got the dreaded call from the NICU -- come as soon as you can, things got worse.
Completely numb, we drove to the hospital as fast as we could. When we got there, his heart was barely beating and the ventilator was breathing for him. The doctor explained that the kidney failure had gone on too long and his little body couldn't handle it. His heart just gave out.
Sometime between my afternoon visit and this evening, his eyes opened for the first time. We'd like to think that his first and last sight was his mommy and daddy telling him they loved him.
We held him and kissed him and told him how much we loved him. I can't believe we did the same thing with his twin brother just earlier this week.
We are completely heartbroken. I really believed that this could finally be the time when we had the baby we got to take home and raise. But, sadly, that didn't happen.
I don't know what we do next. For the next few weeks, I think we will just struggle through, trying to survive from day to day.
Little Asaf will be buried near his older brother Micha tomorrow morning. We love and miss them both so much.