This afternoon, we went to visit our little boys. Sadly, we went to the cemetery and not to the hospital. They are buried very close to each other (only one other baby in between them - we didn't think to ask to save the plot next to Micha just in case Asaf didn't make it). Their graves are so very tiny.
We are both still quite numb. I really thought that this would finally be the pregnancy that brought home the baby we would get to keep. We were both so excited about the prospect of raising 2 little boys. We keep getting so so so close to having a child to raise, and keep having that dream stolen away from us.
Jewish tradition is not to buy anything before the baby is born safely. With my first pregnancy, I didn't buy a single thing. When we lost our little boy and girl, I really regretted that I had never bought anything for them - never got to have the fun of shopping and buying for the baby. So this time around, I decided to be positive and I bought some things when I saw something either on a great sale or something really extra cute and special. When I was having a 'bad day' and worried about losing them, I would go out shopping to a baby store, to remind myself that the vast VAST majority of people who get pregnant really do bring home healthy babies.
Alas, once again, lightening struck and we are NOT part of those lucky people.
Oh Leora, I'm so so sorry for you and your husband. Baruch dayan haemet. I don't have any words for you; I wish I did. thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteDear Leora, you are an amazing women. The feeling of visiting your babies at the cemetery is like no words can describe. I still till this day have a hard time visiting C and M. I too was very hesitant in purchasing anything for any of my pregnancies after losing C. I hope and pray and keep faith that one day, one day soon, you and David will have your rainbow baby. You and David are phenomenal parents.
ReplyDeletehamakom yenacheim eschem bsoch shaar avelei tzion v'yerushalayim. you sound like an amazing person leora, may Hashem give you strength to overcome this hard time. i too lost twins, though they were too early to be viable (18 weeks). my thoughts are with you. may you have only happy occasions going forward.
ReplyDeleteLeora, my heart is just broken for you. I pray you and David find happiness someday.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your tremendous loss. May Hashem give you the strength to get through this difficult time, and may you have only simcha soon!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me but I could not read your story without writing something. May Hashem comfort you and give you healthy children to raise soon. It sounds like you will be wonderful parents.
ReplyDeleteDear David and Leora,
ReplyDeleteYou already proved yourselves to be real parents, loving your boys, doing everything and anything you could to care for them with complete devotion and self-sacrifice. I am sure Hashem cannot see this and not be moved to bless you with children that you WILL get to take home and raise. Asaf and Micha are giving testimony on high, telling G-d all about you and why you are just the kind of people He's looking for to raise His children.
You have many people around the world praying for you and sending hugs and love your way.
Moshe and Leah Shollar (Shapiro) and family.
i can't tell you how sad i am to read this news. please know that i will keep all of your children close to my heart, right next to mine. i lost a set of twins in 2009 and a set of twins last month. if you ever want to talk i am here. im still trying to process it, myself, but i know exactly how you feel, and i wish this was all just a bad dream.
ReplyDeleteim so sorry
xoxo
lis
Here from LFCA, I am so sorry for your losses. Holding your family in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA as well. I am so sorry for your loss. Babies should never die, they should be with their mum and dad, and not in tiny little graves. My heart grieves for your loss. I hope and pray that you and your husband find peace. You are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hamon Ahava to both of you!
ReplyDeleteLeora, I am so sorry for your pain and loss. What beautiful little boys you were blessed with, if only for such a short time. Your self-sacrifice in opting for a c-section to give them every chance at survival is so inspiring; you truly are a mother. I pray that you will be blessed with many happy years of motherhood, surrounded by healthy, beautiful "take home" children.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs,
Miri
I'm here from LFCA; I cannot even begin to understand what you must be feeling. Please know that there are so many of us that are sending you prayers for peace and support. I know that it is difficult, but I am reminded of the promise God made to Abraham & Sarah. Hold onto faith and keep trusting in the promises from God. You wouldn't have the strong desire to be a mother if it wasn't in His plan. God bless & love.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know, I am thinking about you and still praying that you will find peace. I know how much your heart is hurting right now, and I pray you find some joy...soon. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA, and also as a mama who lost twin boys who were born to early (26w) and left us too soon. My heart goes out to you. There are no words to express my sadness for you.
ReplyDelete